Caution! This can change your life!

Some of you approached me, requesting more stories. So, here is more. Don't forget to comment!

Living With Depression
Let me make one thing clear right off the bat. Depression is not one of my roommate’s name. Lighten up, that was suppose to be funny! Didn’t get it? Read it again and this time laugh!

Although depression wasn’t one of my roommates name, it took more time and space in my life than anything or any person ever did. Depression is actually a very serious condition which could lead to serious issues in one’s life and even causes death.

I don’t exactly know where it started, when it started but by now I am sure you’ve figured out, part of why it started in me. I began experiencing depression from very young; to the tune of being prescribed valiums and sleeping pills from the time I was nine years old. I didn’t know what depression meant and to be honest, I don’t think that anyone on earth understands the depth of depression or the full extent of the consequences of such plague.

In my life it was constant turmoil, sicknesses which doctors couldn’t find a reason for, suicide attempts, loneliness, frequent crying, nail biting, hands shaking, confusion, spilt personalities, a life filled with hardship cause by my inability to make the right choices.

My family and friends had no idea of the danger they were living with. They never saw the intense level of threat that hang over their lives. There were times I wanted to die but there were also times when I wanted them to die.

I lived in a constant battle, fighting against thoughts of death and battling the images in my mind. I was always scared of snapping at any moment. The frailty of my sanity was continuously threatened and I was tortured by what could happen next.

About seven years ago, I was at my worst stage mentally. My life was but a fog. I frequently got lost while going to places that were common to me like milk is to coffee. My mind would go blank and I wouldn't remember what I was saying or doing before it happened.

I know this sounds very common to people who do drugs, drink alcohol, or are under some kind of medication but my reality is that I don't smoke, I don't do drugs -never have, I don't drink any kind of alcoholic beverage –never have, nor was I at the time taking any medication that would cause this kind of side effects.

I went from doctor to doctor and all they did was put me on anti-depressant medication which wasn't really helping me. Doctors just kept increasing the dosage and adding new medications to what I already had but I was not getting any better. In fact, I was actually getting worst because all I did was sleep and/or stay in bed all day.

The simplicities of daily living were too much for me to handle. Taking a shower was one of the toughest things I had to deal with every day and there were days I literally had to force myself to shower and to do anything related with me taking good care of myself.

I got so tired of going to different doctors and not getting positive results that I just stopped going to the doctors (I am not recommending for anyone to do so; this is just my experience). Because I was struggling with the fact that the medication was not helping me, I also stopped taking all depression medication (again, not advisable without doctor’s consent). I went through a period of withdrawal where I had hallucinations and extreme fatigue.

I couldn't function socially and mentally my brain was like scramble eggs. I was lost within my own mind and I didn't know how I would ever be found.

The thing is that all the while all this was happening to me, I was serving Christ, I considered myself, living under God's favor and protection. The truth is that somehow along the way, I took a wrong turn and the enemy had taken hold of my mind and was playing all kinds of tricks on me. I was living in fear, terrorized by nightmares, by my own thoughts and hopelessness. Death was the only thing I thought could help me but I didn't want suicide to stop me from Heaven.

One day, out of desperation and wanting it all to end, I called out to God and He answered me. He turned on the light in my life; I began to recognize what the devil was doing and how he was doing it.

God made me realize that all the giants and tormentors were within my mind; I had granted permission to satan to torture me. I believed the lies being told to me by demons and the time had come to make a choice; do I continue listening to the lies which were taking me further into hell or would I believe God and His promises for me?

I cried out to God, the Almighty One, for His Mercy, His Grace and His everlasting Love. I reached out my hand to Heaven and He grabbed me. He kept me from falling into the endless abyss that my life was becoming.

Soon, my memory was getting stronger and my body was following. I got a whole lot better but there was a lot more work to do. I had a long way to go before I could even get to where I could function in my daily routines.

I went to several churches seeking help. I knew that if I could find a church who could help me find my way to the right path, that I would be restored and renewed but the churches I found myself in, had no real depth and a very superficial sense of what I truly needed. It was more of a religious routine instead of a deep and real relationship with God.

I needed more than the usual 3-5 worship songs and a scripted message, which offered no substance to the need of my soul. I needed God in high degrees; not Christianity 101.

When I had given up hope of finding what I need to make it, I was determine to go back to Tacoma, WA in search of a church that would offer me emergency intensive deliverance but God had His own plan. By ways of a church I was attending, I got in touch with a Prophet, and it was exactly what I needed; someone who could teach and lead me to the revelation of the truths in the Word of God. Someone to point the way to FREEDOM from bondage.

In reading the following, I strongly recommend you remember that this is based solely on my experiences and my opinion. You do not have to agree with me but as with everything else I am exposing to you about my life, I will not withheld the truth about my experience with depression.

My confessions are not intended to impose my believes nor my experiences on anyone but to offer hope, help and support to anyone looking to experience change in their lives. God did it for me, He can also do it for you.

Once I went into what was supposed to be a Christian chat room (internet) and got kicked out because I testified that God had freed me from anti-depressants.
The people were offended because those pills were the best thing in their lives. Hey, if it works for you, fine but I wanted something more. I wanted better for myself. I was tired of staying the same or going backwards. It was time for me to step up and go forth and that is what I did with the help of God who promises a sound mind to those who seek after Him.

I consider living with depression to be living under the control of evil forces which are constantly pushing, forcing, obligating, inducing and persuading a person into destructive behavior against those they love and themselves.

Depression is a demonic possession of your will and emotions and a sin against God because it denies the power of who He is. It causes one submit to this evil which has killed many.

Depression is such a force that not even medicine has been able to find a cure for it. Why do you think that is? Demonic possession or demonic activity cannot be cured with a pill because it is rooted in the spirit and not in the flesh. You either cast it out or allow it to take over which means that you die with it because you are no longer in the driver’s seat.

I don’t understand how we as Christians accept depression as just another illness when all it produces, is against God. God produces in us all which is good – health, prosperity, love, wholesomeness, sound minds, confidence, understanding, wisdom, victory, hope and a PEACE which surpasses all understanding. How does depression fit into that picture? IT DOESN’T!

Depression is exactly the opposite of everything I just mentioned. I lived filled with many fears which 1) stole my peace, 2) caused me to be always sick, 3) lacking in all aspects of life, 4) feeling unloved, especially by my own self, 5) segmented with different personalities-all of them as sick and tormented as the other, 6) confused and tormented, 7) walking from failure to failure.

How could one in such state dare say they are God’s representative on earth? What God is this we represent? Not the God of Abraham, of Jacob or Joseph. Not the God of Job, David or the people of Israel. Certainly, not the God of Peter, Paul and John. Definitely, not the God of the New Testament, the Father of Jesus.

God is Power and Authority! He is Peace and Freedom! He is Health and Providence! He is Creator and Protector! God is Breath and LIFE!

Today, depression is no longer an issue and my life has color back in it. Of course, it isn’t as easy as it sounds. It took bleeding my heart out by accepting the revelation of the truths of God. I’ve also have to discipline myself to stay in faith to be able to hold on to my miracle.

I also found my purpose in life and I have come to understand what God has called me for. Knowing who you are and understanding why you are here can definitely bring you back to life.

Finding a church is not the answer but finding where the truth of God is being revealed is. It is the difference between struggling and stumbling through life and actually living as a true child of the Almighty God. Learning, BELIEVING, and applying the truths of God’s word, is the only cure to depression.

I am working on a new book in which I will share in depth the details of the process I had to go through to be freed from the stronghold of depression.

From a world of darkness into a life shines by the light of God and filled with all kinds of good and positive attributes. I have a new perception of who I am, a new prospective for my life and I have become a new person.